Junk Mail Ladies

My town has had to set up a neighbor-hood watch type watch to keep all eyes peeled trying to catch the junk mail ladies. or just lady, no one is sure at this stage. people who have the no junk mail stickers in their mailbox are 6 times more likely to have a major panic attack on bin-day than the people who don't have the stickers. see, what the junk mail ladies do is, use the garbage trucks as cover, then, when they get around to you house, they fill the mailbox with their junk mail. local police still don't have any leads so i have taken things into my own hands. like a vigilante. the theory is that the junk mail lady/ladies have large crab like claws and that they can scuttle at speeds up to that of the nba. my plan is to sppok one by preempting her attack - i shall stuff my mailbox with junk mail before she gets there, and hopefully she will collapse thinking someone is trying to take over her route, then collect the bits of her outer shell from the floor and take it to the police to check on their database. it's a long shot, but someone has to do something.