Wednesday, October 29, 2008

New Disney Film

Today i went to the cinema to see the newest animated film from disney. it is about a big fat boy who wants to become the worlds greatest jockey. it is called 'hopes and dreams'. his parents don't think that he can do it because he is too big and fat so they send him to a weight loss school for people who need to lose weight in order to fulfill their dreams. his name is mikey danger and his voice is done by harrison ford. when mikey danger is at the weight loss school he makes friends with a 12 year old girl called hope who needs to lose weight to be a better role model for her little sister and she had been at the weight loss school for over 3 years. mikey danger's parents place bets on how long it will take their son to lose enough weight to fit on a horse, his dad (played by philip seymore hoffman) says that it will take 8 months and his mum (played by jennifer aniston) says that he will never do it. in the end genetic scientists build a huge horse big enough for mikey danger so he doesn't have to lose any weight because it didn't look like he was going to lose weight anyway. then the mayor of the city (played by benicio del toro) puts on a horse race and mikey danger and his huge genetically engineered horse win the race. and in the last scence they play a song by i think it is dragon, something about rain, because right at the end it starts to rain and you can't tell if mikey is crying or if it is just rain.
i thought the voices and the animation were very good and the plot was original.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Bill Murray And The Perms

Today i got an email from bill murray. he wants me to play the keyboards in his new band called 'bill murray and the perms'. i think the main reason that he wants me to play in his new band is because he said that he saw me on a local tv station playing solo keyboards and singing. he said i could do backup vocals on a few songs. when i was on the tv i was called 'forgotten futures' it is a powerful name for a band i think. mr murray also sent me some demo songs that he recorded by himself in his house and it is just him and the guitar. he is a very emotional man and i think our band would be very popular with everyone. i sent him an email just before saying could our band uniform be jeans and jeans-jackets. i think is a powerful image and also you get very hot so you sing with more passion. just like the band jet who are one of my all time favorite bands. in the email that bill sent me he said he was thinking of getting a drummer and another guitar player, but only for some of the songs. he wants to get either slash or santana to play guitar, and on the drums he isn't sure so we will have to brain-storm. i know a few people who can play and maybe bill will like them.

Friday, October 24, 2008

How They Make BBQ Sauce

Last week i travelled to a small town called 'wow voice' to learn how bbq sauce is made. this is something that i have been puzzled by for some time now and because i didn't know what it was i wasn't going to eat it. my tour guide pete took me around his factory which isn't really a factory and the people who work there work for free. pete runs his operation from a disused car park and there isn't really a building because they found out that open-air-bbq-sauce-manufacturing produces the best bbq sauce. how they make it is like this: pete has got a bunch of the more heavy-set locals to arrange themselves around what is called the bbq line (the bbq line is basically just 8 bbq's placed end to end). large men stand around in shorts drinking beer and watching the things get cooked. it is best to make bbq sauce in high summer when the men can really sweat. the smell of the cooking excites the men and they are dripping with meat-and-beer sweat. then a technician comes around with cotton swabs and swabs the men for their sweat concentrate. the men are allowed to joke about and spit on the grill. the run off from the grill is then cooled and given to the men to drink and then sweat back out. making them drink lots of beer loosens them up and they spit while they talk about the big game. after 2 lots of grill run-off has been passed through them the swab technician gets the best sauce out of the men. if it is raining they put up a tarpaulin to cover the grills and the men. thanks to pete for his time i had a great day.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Beef water

I heard about this new thing called beef-water. it's beef flavored water and i think it is going to be very popular. it is made by a company called meat-tronixxx. how they make it is by putting cows into this machine that was inspired by the way you wring out a wet cloth to get the water out. the cows get picked up by giant mechanical hands and then they wring the cows and collect the beef-water. it comes in 3 different makes, there is "office-man beef-water", there is "beef-water lite", and there is "children's beef-water" which is supposed to be for children under 18 months old. 
most of the people who work at meat-tronixxx really like it because they get to take home bottles of it for free, but they can only take, at most, one bottle of beef-water for each person in the family. i have seen the new tv ad and i think that it will just get more and more popular because lots of people are talking about it. 

What I Saw Today

Today i saw three michael jackson's and they were all dancing while they walked. one old lady said something to one of them and he kicked her in the face and the other ones did the moon-walk and stepped on her hand because she fell over. then the michael jackson's started to fly around and they all held hands and then i saw bono and he was doing an interview. the interviewer asked him how he was doing and i couldn't understand what bono said. something about the triple-jump maybe. bono should have a tv sit-com about how cool he is. he should star in it and play all the characters. i think lots of people would watch it, and the theme song would rule.
one of the michael jackson's was eating a salad.

Silly girls

In the future there will be girls with huge muscle feet. the ones who can't walk proper in high heels will make children who have big compensatory feet muscles. they also get small arms and their arms are always at an angle to keep their balance. also their necks will be really short because they were afraid of falling over. and they will have big calloused hands because the ones who fall over all the time because they can't walk in their shoes, develop extra thick hand skin to protect them and it gets passed down to their new silly-children. and they are all happy. they marry nice people

Giraffe people

Today i saw a giraffe man and he couldn't fit in the shops. he was wearing a suit and i wondered where he got it from and is his wife a giraffe lady.