New Album From Sha-Sha

Pop music sensation 'sha-sha' has just released her first full length album called, 'the sha-sha shake'. it features her first single, 'magic moves' which came out about a month ago and includes the video-clip for it. the video for 'magic moves' has the dance that she made up called 'the sha-star'. i have been practicing this dance for a while now but i am just not flexible enough to do it, in one part you have to like a star jump but your legs have to bend right up and touch your hands. i read an article that said that maybe sha-sha had her knees removed so she could do it, and i guess that is why i have never seen her actually walking. she is always either suspended from something like in her video clip, or lying down on the ground on her stomach looking at the camera, or underwater with fish. lots of young people are getting this surgery for christmas just so they can do the dance, other people do the dance really really slow while sitting in a chair and there is a version of the song that is exactly the same but slowed right down so the people who do the dance sitting down have time to get into position. this version makes her sound really funny and i find it a little bit scary. i have promised myself that i will not get my knees removed just to do the dance.

Jelly Concentrate Marrow Augmentation

Each year professional athletes spend on average $6,000,000 on sports energy drinks. in a 4 page article in 'sports doctor magazine', dr. ernst yoghurst details a new surgery that will cut this spending dramatically. he has invented a procedure called 'jelly concentrate marrow augmentation'. this is how it works. you get all the marrow taken out of all your bones and then mix in with the marrow a slow release sports grade potency jelly crystal concentrate, then after it's all mixed up real nice the mixture goes back into the bones of the athlete. each procedure will last a professional athlete one decade (10 years), and it only costs $18,000. there is also a similar procedure for the domestic market, where they take out all of your saliva and then mix it with a less potent jelly crystal concentrate, then put the saliva back in. this should last about a year, and it only costs $70. some sports drink manufacturers are trying to ban both these operations but some are trying to get dr. yoghurst to use their sports drink ingredients.